Author: Patricia Ferrier

Trincomalee
…………
After moving out of the jungle residence in the Central Province of Sri Lanka Habarana, I was ready for some tiled surfaces and roof slates instead of wood and straw. Imagine my surprise when we arrived in Trincomalee to our next accomodation “The Jungle Lodge”. The rooms seem to be getting larger and so too do the amount of creatures who reside in them. Once again I have been engaged in lizard fighting activities – one morning precariously balanced along the side of the bath, whilst the lizard and it’s now separate tail danced a merry jig along the bathroom floor. I admit I am not a jungle person, I have a lizard phobia. I am embarrassed to say I had two young Sri Lankans from housekeeping in my room (good if you’re a young girl maybe) who brought a ladder, a broom and a large can of spray which knocks the invaders unconscious – they left the can with me – I find it quite marvellous to sniff before sleeping – works a treat!!!!

However…… wonderful deserted beaches…..sunsets…..pond plants.

On occasion it will rain and have you dashing for shelter…

I also have a new friend – he sits by my sun lounger and watches me redden. If I liked crab sandwiches I would not eat them anymore – I do not, so you are safe my friend.

In Nirwana yesterday evening (which is where I felt I was after copious amounts of cocktails) – I was intrigued to know the name of every cocktail the bartender was making. A
Kurumba, a Jungle, a Cosmopolitan and a simple gin and tonic soon had me singing from the straw rooftops – the bartender asked if I would like one for the road – “I will be swimming naked after another” I laughed – he then said “goodnight madam” which I understood to mean that my behavior would be inappropriate and disconcerting for other guests – I thus returned to my log cabin.

We are due a cycle ride today – me thinks with some ornithologists – I spotted this lens at breakfast – goodness they must be real keen. Is it possible to coordinate such a huge lens and cycle simultaneously? we shall see!!!

Sri Lanka is a relatively small island (65,625 sq. kilometers to be precise (it says so in my fact sheet).
We have already seen an astonishing variety of landscapes each with its own outstanding beauty from lowland jungles and farmland to misty highlands.
We have probably been in the majority of the tourist honey-pots but who cares.
A late arrival two nights ago saw us crossing a rope bridge in the pitch dark and I jokingly said to Dani “looks like we are in the jungle camp” and so we were.

Our jungle hut by day.

When we entered our room we hastily removed 2 genetically enhanced looking cockroaches and cleared the bed of ants. The noise from the animals we could not see was incredible. As a helicopter flew over, I thought some more candidates for “I’m a celebrity get me out of here” were arriving and that we would possibly have to share our room.
However we remained alone – not counting the ants and the cockroaches. I was thankful for sunrise the next morning.
In the light of day, things began to seem less jungley in the jungle and quite adventurous. Although I had wondered where Bear Grylls was when you needed him most, it became apparent that his expertise wouldn’t be necessary.
Once we reached the Sigiriya Rock Fortress, I thought WTF……you’ve got to be joking……Dani and I had handbags with us for goodness sake….handbags on a climb the rock experience – ridiculous!!!!!
So off we ventured – no one gets away without a guide up the rock face and neither did we – passing a number of older than me people on the way up I felt obliged to put a spring in my step and a youth like grin on my face and made quite a few not really so funny jokes during the ascent. Once we’d done the spiral staircase I thought we’d bagged this experience…..until we got round the corner to lions staircase and what I named the stairway to heaven…..

The open stairway with see through steps and a dodgy old handrail made my knees go weak, my heart starting racing and a sudden dizziness washed over me. You know that feeling when you want to say no, but yes comes out of your mouth instead (why do I never get the words out right). I remembered the time my father had to fetch me back down off a slide in Anchorsholme Park and I thought to myself “where the bloody hell are you dad?”
I kept my focus on the right towards the rock – if I’d have looked left I would’ve become so nauseous, it would’ve been unpleasant for all on the stairway. Finally we made it up – I felt nothing but relief – it was so amazing upstairs – unbelievable!!!! Going down I spoke to the oldies still going up, offering them encouragement (so easy to do that when you’re going down). One guy thanked us for our words of encouragement and called us stars – I had to agree with him 😄
All in all an amazing experience.

Today we did a village tour…..climbed a tree (so easy, I’m becoming almost apelike) a boat ride and a bull and cart ride.

This afternoon was another highlight – a jeep safari to an elephant colony.
Quite some time passed before I saw the first elephant and as our jeep during this particular incident was first in a long line and I had loudly shouted “there’s an elephant” (which I think is a fairly accurate thing to say if you spot an elephant!!) I self declared myself to chief elephant spotter for a while. One of the main attractions of the tour were two jeeps getting well and truly stuck in a deep ditch and the hoards of jeeps gathering to watch (ours included but only because our lovely young driver helped them out). I think during this time 50 elephants may have roamed past, but no one would’ve noticed.

Once normality resumed the convoy stopped again and I looked to see where the elephants were. Sadly it was a bunch of ornithologists who had become very excited about a heron eagle in a tree. I felt this was a slight waste of time, but as our driver also stopped and checked in his bird watching manual to verify the species I felt obliged to take a photo. (I do hope he didn’t think I was an ornithologist – I was not carrying an over large pair of binoculars nor was I wearing a beige floppy hat a feature seemingly common amongst groups of bird lovers.

The perfect elephant family crossed our path, just at that moment when I was thinking that if the main attraction had been the jeeps in the ditches and the struggle in pulling them and 300kg of body weight in tourists out of it, that the safari would’ve not earned a mention in the blog. Mummy, Daddy and baby – perfect though – when mummy and daddy turned their backsides towards me, I was reminded of a certain scenario yesterday on the rock. A rather overweight female was being pushed up a slope by a young guide who had placed both his small hands on her overly large bottom. In Europe this would’ve been considered criminal – in Sri Lanka it appears it is a profession. I suppose I must’ve been grateful that I had not been asked if I had needed two hands on my behind to get me up the rock. I couldn’t help wondering though, what they charged for this service and indeed if the price increased the higher the ratio of backside vs hand size !!!

….

The Last Episode – journey to Skyvark
We arrived in Chennai around 4pm after visiting two more temples. The tourguide who had accompanied us yesterday spoke such disconnected English that I had totally glazed over – over and out – finished – like in a classroom on a hot summers day. I was just not listening, I was so templed out.
In the airport hotel (I have a great picture, at some point I will do a Tripadvisor review on it – and the certificate of excellence which hangs proudly on the wall – will hang no more)- Dani and I were getting quite fidgety and decided to ask at reception if there was anywhere we could walk to.
“Is there anywhere we can walk to?”
“Sorry madam” – slight tilt of head from side to side
Me: “Is there anywhere we can walk to?” – a desire to tilt head from side to side
Man: “Madam sorry” – agitated tilt of head from side to side
Me: “Are there any shops?” – a desire to tilt head from side to side in an agitated fashion
Man: “Skyvark madam” – more head tilting
Me: “What is Skyvark?” – more head tilting desire
Man: “Madam Skyvark left then right” head in dizzy tilting state
Me: “Thank you” – no more desire to head tilt…
We went left and carried on for quite sometime asking various people if they knew where Skyvark was – we were greeted with a lot of head tilting and nonplussed expressions.
At some point we arrived at a motorway exit and Skyvark wherever and whatever it was, was eluding us and Dani suggested going back to the hotel. Now if there’s one thing I am consistent at, it’s being persistent at finding things and places that are seemingly impossible to find – Dani should’ve known this, she’s had wild trips on trains and buses through Japanese forests and on a boat in the pursuit of Mount Fuji (had it not been foggy we might’ve found it 3 hours earlier) however on that occasion we knew what we were looking for – Skyvark was at this point a complete mystery.
Before we got on the motorway two young Indian girls came our way, “excuse me please do you know where Skyvark is?” They then excitedly took us over 4 major roads giggling away at our horror as buses and trucks, scooters, cars and motorbikes zoomed at terrifying speed towards us and around us and almost through us. Now, I may be blonde, but I know the best way to cross an Asian road is to attach yourself to a local on the other side of them as to where the traffic is hurtling towards – they just know what they are doing and you have to trust them. You need bus 43e or 15b they gleefully told us and both Dani and I knew there was not a cat in hells chance of us boarding a local bus after seeing the carnage of 3 smashed buses like concertinas the previous day.
We then flagged down an “auto” which is basically an open air Robin Reliant with three wheels. Sounds smooth and cool but is not! – “skyvark” we said, as he thrust forward into ten lane traffic squashed into two. At this point I was slightly unconvinced we would have a full set of body parts on arrival – I am so bloody pessimistic – but had you been in that contraption you may have experienced something similar.
About 20 mins later we arrived at Skyvark – and mystery solved – a Shopping mall called Skywalk – a so obvious misunderstanding of pronunciation – I was almost disappointed it was a mall – Skyvark sounds like some fictional long lost village or at least something Game of Thrones like. Our destination discovered we entered the mall and were ever so slightly disconcerted to discover that a Marks and Spencer’s only sold men’s clothes and indeed the majority of shops catered for the male population. A bookshop secured a book for the plane and off we went to find a reliable Robin Reliant to take us back to our hotel. You may think the story ends here……but it doesn’t, as we didn’t know the name or address of the hotel and just as we had pursued Skyvark, so too did we pursue our hotel with a keycard which just had JP written on it.
In the whole of Chennai we found one reliable Robin Reliant man who with limited information was able to take us through some very dubious back roads (once again thoughts of an incomplete set of body parts went through my mind) – but lo and behold before we had been hacked apart, there we were in front of JP – God bless ye, lovely little Robin reliant man 🚙

India – I can’t help falling in love with you ❤️
I categorically stated I would not buy an I ❤️ India t-shirt…and indeed I didn’t …….a carpet, a broken ships compass, lots of pashminas, spare toothbrushes, a book on Gandhi and all those souvenirs I just can’t carry and will end up leaving here, but still no I ❤️ India t- shirt.
However……
“wise men say only fools rush in” – but I am no a fool (some would disagree) but even so it did take quite a while for me to develop a measure of romantic feelings for you dear India.
As we were driving along on our second to last day our driver asked us if we wanted to listen to 40 English love songs or 40 Hindi love songs – we chose English, but they all had a slight Hindi twist – swaying along to UB40’s I can’t help falling in love with you ala Hindi, I was jolted into reflecting my time here….
The pots and pans, sarees and silks, marble and sculptures, chicken tikka masala and fish vindaloos, jewellery and junk and markets galore have left an indelible print on my mind.
As I sit in a bar by the sea with a number of 650ml bottles of Kingfisher beer intus – listening to amazing live music – English love songs sung by an Indian couple so obviously in love.. – “looks like we made it” and we did indeed. Our passage to India (or at times Indias passage through me) has been rough and smooth, tough and cool, challenging and rewarding. We have been met with nothing but kindness and respect (in Dani’s case desire more than respect ) – I suppose anything else would’ve been weird 👵🏼 nice but just weird….anyway moving on…
There’s a few things I’d never do again – like sleep on a houseboat or stay in a Delhi hostel, but visit India again – I think I would – maybe differently but definitely again.
My dear colleague Ankita from Mumbai, thank you for your travel tips. Dear India thank you for your amazing, colourful, hectic, busy, thriving, dusty, communicative, enriching and inspiring country.
May we meet once more.

The 5 Rathas

The Shore Temple

Family outings to the Masi Magum Festival

Locals selling food and
flowers for the Festival

The Alleppey houseboat experience – gosh….it all started so well, even though it had been one of the things I had been dreading. Boarding our boat two by two- aptly named “Noah”, two girls, two handbags, two rucksacks, we were greeted with 2 roses and 2 coconut drinks…..so far so good. Setting sail we were informed we would shortly be shown our cabin – fortunately this process was somewhat delayed a few hours (fortunately for reasons you will soon read). The backwaters of Alleppey are serene (apart from all the tourists and the houseboats) After Delhi, Mumbai and Goa – it made a real change being somewhere tranquil. Of course the usual tourist traps are placed purposefully along the way. “Madame I think you would like to disembark, I think you would like to row down the narrow canal in a canoe” Of course we would and of course we did, spending more rupees along the way even when there are no shops – a quick coconut , an ice cream along the river banks, or a quick stop at the floating supermarket – it’s all there. The inhabitants of the riverside bathe unreservedly in their separate spaces, some wash pans, some wash clothes, some just sit in water and stare into the sky – how idyllic. I wondered how the postman would ever find anyone. Do they even get post? There’s no house numbers, no names, pure anonymity.
Our first meal consisted of fish complete with tail and spaces where the eyes and mouth had been cut out and even breadcrumbed of a sort. All sorts of interesting looking spicy delights accompanying our fish. Oh how I longed for a simple banana.
We were told if we wanted fish for tea, we would have to buy it from a boat conveniently moored next to us. We declined this delicacy, me rather hoping yet again for a simple banana.
But then the fun really began…….as it became dark and the cook had disappeared into thin air, we were left on board with the deckhand who consistently coughed, spluttered, regurgitated it all over again and again and again and then spat it all out. It became clear that this was an ongoing process and it was never going to cease. He told us where he was going to sleep and as it was where we were sitting, we felt obliged to go into our cabin.
I can only describe this experience as similar to being placed in a stone clay pot and put in a slow cooking oven. The searing heat had us melting within minutes and I was soon drifting off into a daytime/nighttime dream which consisted of being captured by a bunch of cannibals, us already being slightly precooked. However no cannibal would be whooping in delight at the amount of meat on me at the moment or indeed at my fragile state like a half starved pigeon – in fact I would probably be served some rather delicious meals in their camp in order to put me back on the menu….now where was I ? Oh yes in the slow cooking clay pot on the boat. At around 11:30pm when the deckhand had offered his final regurgitations of the day – he then started his nightly volcanic snoring routine – Dani and I squashed into our melting pot with 1000 little fly things for added flavour were becoming slightly delirious at this point.
At around 12:39 what sounded like an army of rats on the roof tapdancing their way through Michael Flatleys river dance – quite literally had us sat upright and going through our extremely limited options
a) die or b) don’t die.
We chose b as I am sat here about 12 hours after the ordeal was over reliving it all over again.
At various stages through the night eg 1:14, 2:05, 2:55, 3:14, 4:02, 4:20, 5:03 and 5:20, the sun finally rose. Oh how I loved that sunrise – even more than I would’ve loved a simple banana for tea. This meant only 3 hours 40 mins more on board.
And we made it – in order to disembark we were parked behind another boat – which meant we had to jump off ours (with luggage) – jump aboard somebody else’s and hope we didn’t get captured and then take our shoes off as it is considered rude to walk through somebody else’s boat with your shoes on. Then just before the final jump onto dry land…we had to put our shoes back on!!!!
After this ordeal we then had to rate the whole experience – our options were, excellent, very good or good – with them peering over our shoulders and not wanting to be dragged back on board – I hastily crossed excellent on all accounts……..and then ran!!!!
Would we do it again?
A daytime trip – wonderful.
A sleepover – two letters, one word = NO!!!

Goa Goa Gone
Our last morning in Goa before our flight to Cochin.
Am I really feeling romantically inclined to Morjim Beach? Experiencing slight fondness for that beach off the beaten track – the one we chose after 3 days of searching, the one where we travelled one hour each way in a taxi, through tiny old but busy villages, red dust swirling through the open windows, a clout to the head everytime the taxi jolted over stones and head met roof, the journey where you would hold the last remaining contents in your body tightly.
Yes indeed I am….
The sign above the entrance to the beach….
Smell the sea, feel the sky
Let your soul and spirit fly.
Walking outside our hotel on the first day, we were met with “taxi” “taxi” taxi” “taxi” “taxi” etc etc. don’t like the look of him….mum to Dani ….or him….Dani to mum….until Sattay came along….he looks alright ….mum to Dani….yeah ok….dani to mum. He was hired for the four days – tad late on occasions – but that’s a slight Germanic streak I have inherited.
Hidden jems an hour away from the heaving, thriving, dusty, busy town of Calangute.

Do not be surprised in India if you decide to go for a cat nap- you will surely find one in you lap as soon as you awake. There are animals everywhere – they invite themselves to dinner, snooze under your lounger and even lick your plate clean!!!

An unexpected Dinner guest

An unexpected guest under my sun lounger – loving my Flip Flops

Also vicious looking cat eating our left overs

I am not a banana – this much I know due to the fact that I do not go black after lying in the sun for a day. Dani is definately a banana – I am more of a plum (no not plump) a plum becoming redder by the minute and more prune like by the hour. Why am I a prune and not a banana? Maybe when I was stood at the genetic counter I was in the prune queue and not the banana queue. 🍌 I can’t find a picture of prunes so I’ll just put grapes instead 🍇

Once upon a time I had a decent set of brain cells. This seems a long long time ago. The traveling, the heat, the raging insomnia are infiltrating my insanity – I am at the point where I am contemplating having half my hair shaved off and a henna tattoo left side from head to lower limbs – why not? Looks great on some people – the other half I shall just leave plain and hope it’s gets all dreadlocky along the way. A few piercings and one million bangles on my right arm should surely cure my madness – good job Dani is sat next to me and not “Brains” my brother or these thoughts would become real life and not just a fantasy…..
Having just been approached by a man on a lonely stretch of beach (it does happen…..) and by this I mean a man approaching me and not just a lonely stretch of beach. He asked me if I was alone and I said yes…..ermmm quick correction – I mean no, I am with 5000 people – we were all singing with Gloria Gaynor at 2am in the hotel room this morning – insanity prevails!!!